Prayer Warriors Forum
feedback: stuart@stuartmiller.com

TORMENTED, I WAS

Posted By: JD <mercyhouse@cfaith.com>
Date: Thursday, 24 May 2001, at 9:30 a.m.

I DONT COME HERE TO HATE ANYONE. THAT IS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND. I REFUSE TO HATE. AS A CHILD, VERY YOUNG CHILD, I WAS INTERESTED IN SEXUAL THINGS, AND UNDERSTOOD IT WAS WRONG, BECAUSE IT WAS NOT NATURAL. THIS WAS LONG BEFORE I HAD ANY UNDERSTANDING ABOUT CHRISTIANITY. I WAS SO TORMENTED IN MY MIND, AND C0ULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THE SAME SEX. THIS ALL HARMED ME EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY. I WAS FILLED WITH HORRIBLE SELF HATRED. AS A CHILD NO ONE TOUCHED ME, HELD ME, HUGGED ME, AND ALSO I FELT UNLOVED, UNWANTED, IGNORED, AND REJECTED. MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD I DONT REMEMBER, BECAUSE OF TRAUMA, BELIEVE I WAS VIOLATED. MY PARENTS WERE 400% EMOTIONALLY ABSENT FROM LIFE. ALL OF MY BASIC NEEDS WERE MET, BUT NONE OF MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS WERE MET. MY PROBLEMS WERE EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL. I NEVER FOUND ANY UNDERSTANDING OF CHRISTIANITY UNTIL I WAS 30 YEARS OLD. MY WANTING OUT OF THIS TORMENTED LIFE STYLE WAS NOT INFLUENCED BY CHRISTIANITY, BECAUSE I ALWAYS WANTED OUT AND WAS LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT, AND BELIEVED THE ONLY WAY OUT WAS DEATH. I WAS VERY SUICIDAL. TODAY I AM WALKING IN MY CHRISTIANITY 15 YEARS AND AM TOTALLY FREE OF HOMOSEXAULITY, AND WAS ALSO AT ONE TIME DIEING, AND NOW AM HEALED OF AIDES. I WAS VERY PROMISCUIOUS(SP) AND HAD THOUSANDS OF PARTNERS, AND ALL I WANTED WAS SOMEONE TO HOLD ME AND TOUCH ME. GOD UNDERSTOOD MY DESIRE TO BE FREE OF THIS, AND CAME INTO MY LIFE, WITHOUT ME LOOKING FOR HIM, AND SET ME FREE. I AM ONLY HERE TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE. GOD BLESS YOU ALL, WISH YOU ALL HAPPINESS. JD

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